LadyLeader Retreat Blog

Who cares?

Are you hanging above a deep river by an almost invisible thread? 

Perhaps you've leapt off the solid ground of taking care of yourself well because you have a 'to do list' that is never-ending, family responsibilities, learning you want to focus on, no time to do a proper healthy shopping, no time to eat a proper healthy meal and the furthest walk you take is from the front door to the car? 

The person in the picture is leaping off safe ground too, with heart racing fear, increasing pulse, queasy tummy and a thought or too about how mad this is!

But for them it will all be over in 2 minutes - they won't live in that high response fearful state for most of their life!  

Are you hanging above a deep river by an almost invisible thread? Do you know why you're doing it?  Decide today to get back on the solid ground of self care - and if you're struggling to to it on your own, find someone who can help you.

Take the first step today, even if it's a tiny one...  Who cares?  You do.

Stress is an ignorant state!

The complete quote is "Stress is an ignorant state... it believes that everything is an emergency."

When you think about the sea I wonder what you see in your minds eye.  Is it azure blue waves gently lapping onto a sandy beach, or perhaps it's wild grey seas pounding against rocks.  A look at this picture reminds us that even with all its potential for movement, activity and power the sea can also be like a millpond.

It is well researched that continually being in a state of 'emergency' is damaging to our health.  Our bodies are not designed to be in a perpetual state of high alert and although we seem to be quite skilled at putting it on high alert, we are less skilled at taking the time required for it to recover from that state and simply be in a state of peace, tranquility and rest.

However, we are often ready with a list of one hundred reasons as to why it's just not possible to take that 'downtime' just for me right now!  And sadly, when we do get the chance to stop, we're too wound up to enjoy stopping and fret instead about all we could be doing...the momentum of the volume of ongoing pressure preventing us from stopping and just being.

So here are a few tips:

• 1.Plan the downtime
• 2. Make it regular
• 3. Ensure it is for a period long enough to slow down and stop
• 4. Do it because you want to enjoy long life and good health NOW

REMEMBER - even the sea has it's downtime!

What to do to stop...

When life is happening at a pace which makes it hard if not impossible to stop and simply relax what do you do?  One of the great touchstones over the last few weeks, and there have been many of them, has been my tai chi class.  I can say that without exception on a Monday night after my tai chi class I have slept like a baby!!

For me it is something about the physical movement, the total concentration that has to go into getting the various body parts in the right place, whilst at the same time remembering to breathe!  As a novice, I have found it to be totally absorbing in a most relaxing way.  I have enjoyed the peace and calmness, the stretching, the cameraderie, the small signs of progress...

It's interesting that at other times I have been on a swing between normal concentration levels and high performance and at the other end of the swing I've been struggling to keep motivated and just get things done.  Stress has many effects on our body, mind and 'spirit' when we are faced with life threatening or life changing circumstances.  It's important to remember that our bodies are not designed to stay in a stressed state over extended periods - so find something completely absorbing that leaves you with no alternative but to switch out of the stress state.  Even one hour a week will have it's benefits.  When did you last sleep like a baby - if you can't remember maybe it's time to find a tai chi teacher!

What to do when life stops

If you're busy charging along in your career or running your business, you probably long to just stop and take stock.  The problem for most of us is that the momentum just keeps us going...and sometimes it's one of life's major events that finally halts us.

If you follow this blog you will know that there has been a distinct lack of activity over the last few weeks.  Put simply, the reason is that for a moment life stopped for my husband, partner and soulmate and it's likely that life will never be the same again.  Amazingly, successful resuscitation means that he is one of the 5% who has survived a cardiac arrest.  However, the journey of the last five weeks has been frought with several hurdles of complication, head-scratching, waiting, tests, and surgery... and then further surgery.

I've debated with myself if I would even share this experience in the public domain of my blog, but I've decided I'd like to share some of the things I've learned in the last five weeks - because some of them are lessons for life.

I'm not sure how many blogs I'll write about this experience, or how frequent they will be over the next few days, but if you're looking to manage your life balance better here are some things I have learned about what's important.

When something as sudden and life threatening happens completely out of the blue, it feels like falling off a high cliff and there is a sense that you're walking in someone else's shoes, apparently functioning but not really in touch with your feelings.

On of the most important things I learned very early in this process was to say "yes".  As someone who is fiercely independent, and more inclined to take a lead than wait for someone else, this was a very nurturing experience.  I was completely in shock and running on empty, and I made a conscious decision that I would say yes to every offer of help I was given.  So I said yes to the neighbour who offered to feed and walk my dog, the friends who offered me food and a warm welcome at Cafe Bevan anytime, the friend who said I could call day or night, the food that arrived for the freezer, family members who gave me tlc in all sorts of ways, the friend who sent a text near bedtime to wish me a good sleep, the colleague who asked if she could nominate me for an award 

I wonder how I can retain this willingness to say 'yes' and accept support, help and community in my business life, and also how I can use this learning in a 'pay it forward' kind of way in the future.  One thing is certain, when you are faced with the vulnerability of life unexpectedly, you become very clear about your priorities and they're not necessarily what you thought they were!!  So, when help is at hand - just say YES!

It fascinating but I've just realized my last Tweet before all this happened was one of my favourite quotes from a John Denver song:  "The moment in hand is the only thing we truly own" Enjoy the moment

Strategic refuelling

The phrase "strategic refuelling" came to my attention earlier this afternoon and is a phrase used by Robin Sharma.  It describes taking the opportunity to pull back and refuel, refresh, and take stock following a period of high performing activity.

Having recently returned after a week off, it is a compelling phrase and reminded me of my own need to step back from the busyness of business, and to continue to retain balance in the achievement of successful business outcomes.

The holiday weather included two days of snow so there was plenty of opportunity to read a range of books from novel, through biography and personal development.  Reading is one of my great escapes from the busyness and demands of life.  I was able to absorb myself in the story of women on the Oregon Trail, and having stood on that trail personally, to imagine the struggles and challenges they faced in a harsh and unforgiving environment.  I was able to take time to reflect in my journal on the days as they passed, and on the decisions of recent days.  I was able to picnic and walk, and talk without any reference to diary or watch.

The cottage in the picture (Pitmedden Bothy) will be available from 10th July for holiday lets.  Whether in coaching with my clients, or in providing LadyLeader Retreats, I have a passion for supporting busy people with life balance and self care.  The cottage provides a further opportunity to develop this service by offering a quality base in a quiet corner of Aberdeenshire for short breaks or holidays.  The option to invest in some personal coaching, or to simply borrow books from a well stocked personal development library will be the icing on this particular holiday option cake.  Ideal for a Retreat for a single person, or a couple.  If you're interested in finding out more email pitmeddenbothy@btinternet.com.

Getting back to strategic refuelling, what steps will you take to step back from your busyness and ensure that you achieve success with balance?  What single action would be the first step in making this commitment to yourself?

Be like the flowing river

All things being equal my prefernce is always to be outside in the fresh air rather than inside.  This weekend I had a walk in the snow up around Crathes on Saturday.  The stream had developed into a river and was flooded in various places. 

Water is by it's very nature a fluid, passing form except when gripped by the extremes of cold.

Standing on the bridge looking at the water I was reminded of a poem that has come to mean a lot to me over the years.  It is a reminder that there can be moments of tranquil stillness far below the surface even when the surface itself is being battered by storms and wind... 

Be like the flowing river,

Silent in the night.

Be not afraid of the dark.

If there are stars in the sky, reflect them back.

If there are clouds in the sky,

Remember, clouds, like the river are water,

So gladly reflect them too,

In your own tranquil depths.

This poem was written by Manuel Bandeira, and I first came across it in Paulo Coelho's book, Like the Flowing River.

Rivers remind us of many things, but one of the things they remind us of is balance.  Still water, and crashing waves, deep water, and shallow ripples, droplets and mighty oceans.  If you were to describe your life as a river this morning, what kind of river is it?  Do you need to find a tranquil pool out of the current for a few minutes or hours?  If you do, write an appointment in your diary to do just that!

I'm conscious as I write that there are many whose lives have been changed irrevocably this morning as a result of the power and impact of water.  May they too find peace in their own tranquil depths.

How calm and balanced are you feeling at this moment?

If you've already arrived at work this morning you will have a very recent experience of the skills required to maintain calm and balance - particularly if you have travelled a journey through the latest snow and ice!

You may have cleared the car of snow - only to find the snow was covering an inch of ice now to be scraped;  you may have taken your children to nursery only to find the staff hadn't arrived or the nursery wasn't opening because of the weather (plan B??); you may have finally arrived at your place of work to discover the office is freezing because it's been empty over the holidays...

Of course you may be sitting perfectly calm and knowing that every area of your life is in perfect balance and harmony.  If you are - enjoy!

If not here are 3 things you can do to create more calm and balance.

1. Review you achievements over the last 10 years - small and large, significant and insignificant, what you've achieved for yourself, and what you've achieved for others.  Smile and say "Well done!"

2. Create regular time 'just for you' even if that has to be locked in the bathroom with an ipod blocking out all unwanted sound.

3. Put a 10 minute walk into every day - no compromise because you're too tired, or it's raining... just get out there and walk for 10 minutes!

And if you want to look more seriously at gaining calmness and balance in the midst of your busy life, sign up for one of the remaining places on our next LadyLeader Retreat on 20/21st February - two days to help you be more calm and have more balance.   Because you can't lead others until you've worked out how to lead yourself! 

You'll often hear the phrase "Pay yourself first" in relation to creating savings and developing a personal financial strategy.  The idea is to create balance between spending and saving.  Perhaps this year you can apply this to your own wellbeing by changing it to "Balance yourself first".  Nurture your own sense of calm and well-being before you try to nurture others, whether these others are family members, friends, or work colleagues.

Have a wonderful and balanced 2010!

 

Choose Balance in 2010

Whether you're a ladyleader because you lead yourself, a family, a business, a team or an empire... choose balance in 2010!  And I'm not just banging on about the cliched type of work/life balance chat that says you can have it all and it's easy!

Creating balance in your life requires attention and effort because if you want balance you have to master a number of complex skills and techniques.  You also have to know where your boundaries are, nourish them well and be clear about their purpose.  As I've said in this blog before, balance is an active, fluid, thoughtlful approach to competing demands and pulls.  It is not a static plot on a personal journey.  However, you will only ever manage to balance your life when you are clear about your personal values and beliefs, purpose and important goals. 

After all balance is about maintaining equilibrium, staying poised, remaining upright, keeping steady... and of course having the occasional wobble is part of learning the skill.  So set out your Balance Charter for 2010, and if you write one up I'd love you to share it with me.

And of course if you'd like some help to get you started join us on one of our LadyLeader Retreats in 2010.  There's still time to book for February - join us on the 'ultimate time for me' event.

Wishing you a Happy, Balanced and Fulfilled 2010.

All work no play - or playful work?

I wonder what your work/play ratio is.  Take a moment and think about the amount of time your are thinking about work, doing work, in work mode, and compare it with the time you are thinking about play, playing and in play mode.  And write it down as a ratio.  What do you see?  How do you feel about the ratio?  Are you happy with it or would you like to change it?

I was reminded on Friday afternoon of something I had written down a few months ago.  How would you behave if your were Donald Duck?  And remember, "the playful state is available".  In other words I can choose my 'state' and I can choose how I respond to my day and my 'to do' list!  What an empowering thought.

So this morning... the playful state is available.  How will your day be different if you choose to approach it in a playful state?  As for me I'm off to do my end of year accounts...playfully!

Every picture tells a story

If I were to ask you to write the story of this picture I wonder what you'd say.  Is there a storm coming or has the storm passed?  Is the wind cold, or is it a balmy warm day?  Is it morning or afternoon? Where is the location?  What took the photographer there in that particular moment? Were they alone?

If someone were to take a snapshot of your business right now what story would it tell?  And more importantly if someone had taken a short video of your activity over the last week what could they tell me about your business?

This week I've been pondering the balance between being the business product and the business owner, the balance between doing the business and developing the business.  It's an interesting ratio and one that is useful to come back to from time to time.  In terms of getting life balance where we want it to be every picture does tell a story.  Balance is not a fixed state - and if you ever want to check that out watch someone on a high wire.  They don't stand still in a fixed position of balance.  There is movement and flexibility, sometimes leaning one way and sometimes the other.

So this morning, or put an appointment with yourself in your diary for some time in the next few days, consider the two questions.  What would a snapshot of your business right now tell someone? Then re-run a video in your imagination of yourself over the last week and ask - what does that tell me about my business?  And if your feel inclined, conclude with the question: How can I improve balance in my business?

The ultimate 'time for me' event

Welcome to the LadyLeader Retreat Blog.

LadyLeader Retreats were founded to offer busy women a regular two day opportunity to step out of the busyness and enjoy a relaxed and nurturing programme tailored to each individual guest.

Choose from a range of spa treatments, small group sessions, individual coaching on a range of topics, with full use of the leisure facilities and opportunities for quiet and reflection, and good company and fun.

All our Retreats are held in Scottish Castle Spa Hotels and are restricted to a maximum of 12 guests.  And we use the word 'guests' because that is what you are!  From the moment you arrive until you leave nothing is too much trouble and our guests have been delighted with the small additions we provide.

As one of our guests said "it's the ultimate time for me event" and in order to allow as many women to enjoy a Retreat as possible we have kept the costs low.  For only £99 per month - you can enjoy three LadyLeader Retreats a year.  We know you are worth it! 

Forthcoming Retreats will always be detailed on our blog, and if you are interested in an exclusive Retreat for an existing group of women please contact us as we are delighted to provide a Retreat for a minimum group of 6.

We hope you will also enjoy our Blog and we are always happy to have your comments on our blogs.

 A subscription to our 2010 LadyLeader Retreats costs:

• £35 per month for one Retreat
• £65 per month for two Retreats
• £99 per month for three Retreats with additional opporutnities

WE THINK YOU'RE WORTH IT - DO YOU?

Contact us for more details by email or by telephoning 44 (0) 1224 323302 or 07789 172151 

Small Business Week - Product capability

For me this picture is a great illustration of product capability.  Every small busines needs either a product or service that someone else will buy - whether that buyer is a person or another business.  Without sales there is no business!

In the photograph the begonias are the product, and the man on the left, Thomas Gordon, is the product capability.  As a master grower and many times champion, he knew the secrets of getting the product right at the right time.  But the success of the product was entirely dependent on the product capability - him!

Although arguably someone else could water and tend to the prize plants - no one else had the knowledge or skill to add the secret touches to the process, or get the plants to produce such spectaculr flowers at the right time.  And, sadly, this was demonstrated all too clearly on his death.  Without the product capability - the product disappeared.

In a small business the product capability is often the owner.  And the success of the business is often dependent on the health and well-being of the owner.  So in order to protect your product capability, write down at least three things you can do to sustain your own health & wellbeing for the long term success of your business.  And when you've written down these three things, add another two.

4. Get yourself a good business coach

5. Come on one of our wonderful LadyLeader Retreats where you will learn how to put in place systems that will not only support your successful business but will support the product capability - YOU!

Safe Space at the top of the Mountain

I've just been watching Nicholas Crane on BBC4's programme on the Scottish Munros.  As he climbed the Inaccessible Pinacle I couldn't help but wish it was me on the end of the rope - not because I like dangling on a rope, but because the journey would have been worth it just to stand on top:  that sense of achievement, the view and the sense of space.

This picture was taken on Lochnagar in 2004 and symbolizes for me that sense of space, of having climbed the mountain, of health and wellbeing and of enjoying the moment.  It's true that a picture can capture a thousand words. 

It was taken after recovery from five months of complete debilitation with chronic fatigue.  A dramatic loss of health and an equally dramatic return to health, a shift from not being able to stand and peel potatoes, to being able to climb to 3,000 feet.  For me it was truly a safe space at the top of the Mountain both physically and metaphorically and perhaps all the more enjoyable for that.

When I look at it I'm reminded that in all the busyness of life, when dealing with the demands of running a business, family responsibilities, practical domestic tasks - it is so important to take time to find the safe space whatever that may be for you.  Safe space where you can be yourself, safe space where you are protected from the demands of life, safe space to think, plan and dream, safe space to take respite from the climb and enjoy the view.

Safe space is about a sense of place.  What will you do (yes do, not think!) over the next few days to create your own safe space where you can nurture your wellbeing and recover from the climb? I'd love to hear your ideas and comments...

I THINK I'M HAVING STRESS! by Martha

 This image made me laugh the first time I saw it a few years ago and it continues to make me smile.  It's the look on the donkey's face which says "How did this happen?"

I guess with most of us stress is something that creeps up on us.  It's not a full out attempt on our part to become stressed but the accumulation of stress over time that can leave us vulnerable to the impact of the larger wave of stress.

Of course, we know that a degree of stress is a good thing and that our bodies are wired to respond to stress - flight or fight and the more recently recognised freeze!

Earlier this year I read some of Why Zebras don't get Ulcers.  Fascinating reading - much of it very scientific which is why I didn't get to the end!  But I read enough to be challenged by learning (or learning again) about the impact we have on our bodies when our stress response which was designed to be activated infrequently in extreme circumstances is being triggered almost permanently by the high levels of stressful challenges we face.

"So what?" I hear you ask.  When was the last time you took some positive action to counter the impact of the stressful routine of your life?  I can almost hear the "I can't....", "I couldn't possibly....", "There is so much...", "I'm running a business!"

Your choice - but two days in a Spa Hotel a couple of times a year may just be the very thing! 

I'd love to have your comments on what you do to counter the stress of being a LadyLeader.

A WALK IN THE WOODS

A walk in the woods.  What do these five words conjure

up for you?  It's hard (no impossible) to read with your

eyes shut so read slowly to absorb the experience.

Let's start with what you can see.  The tall straight lines

of the trees decked in summer green.  The bluebells

blowing gently in the breeze.  The blue sky peeping

through the strong solid trunks.  You stop to listen.

Somewhere a skylark whistles in joyful melody.  The

leaves rustle with just enough movement to create a

rippling music.  The feeling is one of warmth, calm

and contentment.  The smells of earth and air are

such that it is almost possible to taste the subtle 

energy of growth and life.  Pause and capture this

moment.

This is the experience we aim to create with our

LadyLeader Retreats - - as refreshing and

restorative as a walk in the woods on a summer day.

As one of our recent guests said:

"The whole experience provided a genuine escape and rejuvenation from the hectic insanity of everyday life and its consequent pressures.  In today’s lifestyle, we are constantly battling against the stresses of many challenges and  we can strive for perfection across all facets of our family/work life style.  The Retreat allowed for the unique opportunity to re-evaluate our life patterns, ensuring a new focus for optimal success without the negative consequences."

When did you last take a walk in the woods?  Or what else could you do to create a sense of

peace and tranquility as a balance to the hectic pace of your busy life?